Because so often Mirm and I work each other into a tizzy and make lists about the people we wish we could just shake or punch but never actually say anything.

Because once you've said it, it doesn't matter who you've said it to, only that it was said put into the collective consciousness, assumedly to be absorbed by the general populace and change the world. Anyway. This is what we write when we are PISSED. (Note: Mine has been posted before but sometimes things bear repeating. Also I'm not particularly rageful at the moment but sometimes it's important for angry things to surface in a calm. Because I said.)

This is also a lesson on two similar views by different people on the same events. We all have our rage.

Britt

Fuck the nice guy. Fuck him right up his greasy self-loathing ass. All he does is whine and complain about his poor, poor relationship predicament. About all the fantastic beautiful busty blonde skinny girls with waxed legs and blue contacts who pass him by for the jerks, the fuck offs, the assholes. How he spends countless hours devising ways to weasel his way into his girl friends' pants and wonders why he doesn't get any. How he lets a girl spill her soul over the phone and gets pissy when she doesn't... what? Return the fucking favor? You get to tell me a secret if I get a fucking hand job? Is that the deal? I am sick and tired of hearing some whiny ass fucker going on and on about how trodden upon his sickly little heart is, and woe is he how all the hot girls don't want him. And THEN he fucking turns around and asks the few girl friends he has prying questions like "So what'd you do for him?" or to a guy, within a girl's earshot, "Well if he didn't want her, why didn't you just take her?" Get a fucking clue. Girls talk, and I don't think any of you emo fuckers grasp how much. You have a right to get paranoid about girls traveling in packs to the bathroom. They're fucking talking about you. You and your fucking mouth. Crying about your poor limp libido does nothing for you, except possibly raise the octaves by the sink. No one cares about the state of your fucking virginity. You're twenty-four and the popular girls from high school still don't want you. Boo fucking hoo. It's probably your own damn fault, ass.

Girls are attracted to confidence, not weakness. It makes for stronger offspring so the species can fucking live on. That's what it's about. Weakness is using your friendship to guilt a girl out of a confidence. Weakness is refusing to deal with the fact that not only are you not perfect, you are not God's secret answer to every woman's prayers, if they would just read between the lines and see all that you don't have the balls to express. Weakness is taking the fact that the love of your life has no idea that you feel that way about her and using it against her. Because instead of doing something about it, like telling her, all you fucking do is mope around on your online diary and write depressing poetry like she's supposed to feel your fucking vibes of passion and just know. Weakness is writing fucking internet rants to be reposted by pussies like you who can't deal with rejection. Weakness is perpetuating the double standard held up by every society in the world because you desperately need something to stroke your pathetic little man ego.

Here's a newsflash, Mr. "Nice Guy." You don't get ass because you're a fake and everyone knows it. Most girls are pretty good at playing at it, but they're not actually stupid. They know you're just as horny and disinterested in their hopes and dreams as the asshole they're dating, but at least the asshole has the balls to admit it. And anyway, he's funny.

Get a fucking sense of humor and deal with your incontinence. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Mirm

this goes out to all the "nice guys" in the world...

you know who you are. you're the guys that are such perfect gentlemen, the ones that are single and just can't seem to get the girl, no matter what you do. you're the ones that would never pressure a girl for sex or anything else, that are always there to listen and help when the asshole boyfriend has done something wrong, all the while pining for/lusting after the girl that is crying on the proffered shoulder. and don't act like sex isn't what you really want; you tell enough people about "not getting any" that no one actually believes you anymore. you have your blog in which you pour your sorrows and rejection, putting it out there for all the world (and probably the desired girl) to see. every time you open your mouth it's "woe is me, my life sucks, i don't have a girlfriend, i'm a virgin, no one wants me..." enough already!!! we've heard it, we know: it sucks to be you. shut up and deal with it. move on. has it occurred to you why you may not have a girlfriend? or why you aren't getting laid? let's think about this one: there you are, sad and hopeless, without a date for saturday night. you're the "nice guy", remember, the one that doesn't pressure a girl for anything she's not ready for? that's you. meanwhile, the "asshole" is the one who always has a date, a girlfriend, is getting laid, etc. why can't you have that? it's because you don't have the confidence that he has. i mean, look at him: he's cute, he's funny, he wants that girl and he's confident enough to go after her. what more could a girl want? you, however, mope around and try to get sympathy, when no one really wants to hear it. the "asshole" may be just that, but he knows what he wants and knows how to get it. he doesn't care about sympathy. he won't talk your ear off about stupid shit that people don't want to hear. he may be mean, but he's funny and, let's face it, confidence is sexy. and if he is, in fact, a jerk, at least he's upfront about it. you try to hide it, and not very well at that. the only thing that could get in his way is his ego. you may not believe this, but ego does get in the way occasionally. the asshole doesn't always get what he wants. confidence is sexy but too much can be deadly.

but what if, you ask, i am a "nice guy" and i have a girlfriend? well the truth is, you're probably not a nice guy at all. but, just for kicks, i'll humor you and consider this as well. if you fit the description of the "nice guy", and you have a girlfriend, congratulations! i don't know how she puts up with your bullshit, but good for you! this is a little different situation though. you have more room to be emotionally manipulative. you tell her how much you love her and how perfect she is, all the time, and make her feel LIKE SHIT when she doesn't do what you want: when she won't move with you because she's going to college, when she hangs out w/a guy that isn't you, even when she doesn't call you back immediately. you, however, can blow her off even when you promised you would go to a work party with her. you can not call her for days at a time and get irritated when she keeps calling you. you can hang out w/whomever the fuck you want, whenever you want. you can talk about how many people you've had sex with. (and why exactly would you bring that up? just curious.) you can talk about what you and your current girlfriend have done with all your friends. your ex-girlfriend can even call you on a daily basis, and what the hell is wrong with that? why are you getting mad? don't be mad at me, i love you, you're beautiful and perfect. wait, who were you talking to when i called you earlier? that, my friend, is what we call a double standard. and it's completely uncool, in the strongest sense of the word.

now that we have discussed that, let's talk about why you are not the nice person you think you are. there is the moping and emo-ness and almost constant complaining. there's one more thing though: your mouth. that's right, you don't know when to shut the fuck up and leave it alone. you say stupid shit at a pretty constant rate and don't understand why any girl gets upset. you tell a girl how many people you've hooked up with, and how many have wanted to fuck you, but you are so much better than everybody else that you had to say no. you tell a girl, a girl who (for whatever reason) likes you and is funny and smart and while she may not be hott in the traditional sense is certainly attractive, that while you really do like her, she's just not as good as this other girl (one that doesn't want you AND is a friend of the girl you're rejecting). what is that about? in what way does that seem like a good idea? i am here to tell you, it's always a bad idea to compare a girl to any other but especially her friend. and fuck the "i was just trying to be honest" excuse, because it's bullshit. there is never a good reason to say that to anyone!!! NEVER!!! are you a complete moron? what were you thinking??? and now look where you are: alone, sad, and still a virgin. hmm...connected maybe?

another thing: you don't necessarily physically or even outright verbally pressure a girl for sex, but you have your ways. hinting is the same thing as asking. girls are not as dumb and oblivious as you think. and just so we're clear: when a "pack" of girls goes to the bathroom, they're most likely talking about you. and if they're not talking about you, they're talking about some guy. it always comes up. and it may or may not be bad. but you're right to worry. girls talk, much more than guys realize. if a girl has been wronged, she doesn't give a fuck who hears her rant. as a matter of fact, she'll make sure everyone does hear her, so they've been properly warned. if you forgot your anniversary, we know. if you killed her cat, we know. if you're bad in bed, we know. and if you're going to talk about a girl, just know that she will find out. it may not be right after the fact. it may not be when you're still dating/hooking up. it may not be until 10 years down the road, when she's forgotten you ever even existed. but she will find out, and then she will tell everyone she knows. and you will be a fuckhead forever after.

one more thing: you're a jerk to your girl friends. NOTE: not girlfriends, but girls who are friends and only friends. that's right, i said it: you're a jerk. you pry for information that is none of your fucking business. you throw shit back in her face, shit that you know she's sensitive about, unnecessarily (and let's not get started on all the shit she could say about you, fuckhead). you're unbelievably mean to her, just because your dumb ass enjoys masochism. you complain about being a virgin, all the while hinting that since she's not a virgin maybe she could help you out with that? and if you do hook up with a nice girl (once again, not gorgeous, but pretty and funny and smart) you ruin it. no you kill it. you ask her, repeatedly, to fuck you, you tell everyone and their brother what she did for you, all the while neglecting to mention what you did for her (as if she would fucking suck you off with nothing in return???), you tell her best friend (BIG mistake) that she was a piece of ass and a piece of ass only. remember: she will find out, and she will be pissed. or, if you haven't hooked up w/this girl, you defend the guy that committed these heinous crimes: "well it's not his fault, he's a guy, guys have needs, if a guy sees something he likes he just goes after it and isn't worried about her feelings..." ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. no, it is his fault, he needs to get his raging libido under control and chill the fuck out. and you have just blacklisted yourself, because she certainly doesn't care about his needs. she has needs of her own. as a matter of fact, her sex drive is a lot stronger than his, bur she manages to control herself. "a guy can't help it" is complete bullshit and no girl will ever believe it. so you have a bad case of blue balls...ger over it. go jerk off. nobody cares. AND ON TOP OF THAT, like it's not bad enough that you defended this guy, you then have the NERVE to ask, "so what did you do for him?" you've got to be kidding me. OH WAIT, you're not kidding? you mean you really want to know? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE??? I can't live just thinking about it. and you wonder why you don't have a girlfriend, why you're still a virgin??? you need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT, relax, stop being a fuckhead. because you surely are not going to get a girl that way, Mr. Nice Guy. someday you will get laid, and then all will be right with the world. but for now, do us all a favor, and stop being so fucking nice. if that's what a nice guy is, then we don't need their fucking kind.

thanks.

FIN. 1:29 a.m., Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2005

ink :: graphite