paperback writer
not dalmations

hey look i'm a conformist!

i made one of those 100+ things about me whatsits.
it was kind of fun in an ego-centric kind of way...

100+ things that are not dalmations

1. together her first and middle name are perfect for an eighties pop star

2. has never lived in a place for more than five years, and that is if one counts the first year of existence as a real year

3. has taken up nine places of residence in four states, but is not a military brat

4. has never left the continental united states (unless one counts the period of time from conception to a few weeks or so in the womb, when she was technically in canada), but feels this is combated by the fact that she has been all over said continental united states

5. her mother accidentally swallowed a watch battery just previous to becoming pregnant with her. jokes were made. the doctor was canadian.

6. loves food and hates throwing up

7. thinks canadians are funny

8. hates minnesota accents and the four-way stop light on the road to her school

9. loves playing with and placing accents� even minnesota ones

10. talks aloud to herself in public places. loudly.

11. blatantly eavesdrops and doesn�t mind when other people do the same; keeps the philosophy that if one is speaking within earshot of other people, it is meant for them to hear or at least open for them to listen

12. has always loved having a birthday in may

13. has extraordinarily straight teeth for never having had braces

14. feels her pitiful eyesight makes up for it

15. has the depth perception of a hamster

16. was always put in right field as a result. don�t ask why. when one sucks at sports that�s where he or she is always thrown, no questions asked.

17. loves hearing rumors about herself; it makes her feel special that people waste their time talking about her when she�s not there

18. hates violence of any kind. makes her sick.

19. speaks in the third person without realizing it sometimes. this often results in confusion as she has a very common name

20. surrounds herself in music, though she herself is not musically inclined at all

21. upon first meeting her, most people honestly think she is
a) a dirty slut;
b) cracked out; or
c) all of the above

22. will be one of those 46-year-old virgins, though this prospect does not really bother her all that much

23. once heard a 46-year-old virgin talking on a radio station.
his explanation was that he just �never got around to it�

24. thought this was hilarious

25. thinks drugs are dirtygross

26. makes up words and uses them with enough frequency that other people soon begin using them even against their will

27. loves to dance. just recently learned this. by recently we mean prom last year.

28. phrases do not creep into her vocabulary; they explode

29. misses doing the long jump and triple jump in track

30. has a list of �isms� a mile long

31. is cursed with chronic hypochondria. feel sorry for her.

32. walks around for the most part completely oblivious to the world around her

33. is well aware that �brittany� is not a writer name and no one will ever take her seriously without an alias

34. is a night owl in the truest sense

35. fancies herself an artist

36. hates that the things she wants to do most in life ultimately end with her starving in the street

37. narrates when she speaks

38. fancies herself a realist, but is probably more of an optimist

39. never capitalizes unless she absolutely has to

40. is far more virginal than many people seem to realize

41. has been most often described as �crazy,� with �airhead� being a close runner up

42. is a devoted omnivore

43. would have been a great hippie

44. cannot talk without waving her hands wildly and most likely hitting people around her

45. would die without creativity

46. can be slightly overdramatic at times

47. that was an understatement

48. fears alzheimer�s almost more than death itself

49. hates ferris wheels

50. loves roller coasters

51. is a germophobe

52. if she has learned one thing from high school, it is how to successfully b.s.

53. was diagnosed with mild turret�s syndrome when she was about seven

54. thinks this is amusing, if annoying at times

55. name a european country, she�s probably got ancestors from it

56. loves geneology

57. thinks people-watching is the coolest thing in the world

58. hates affirmative action

59. is a horrible liar

60. hates lying and refuses to practice it

61. acting is very different from lying

62. loves everything about theater; hates that she does

63. is heavily addicted to mints and caffeine

64. could go on and on about what she loves about theater, but won�t here

65. has never cursed of her own accord (as in not in scripts) in her life

66. wait, yes she has. once. or twice. something

67. flipped someone off for the first time in her life a few weeks ago... that someone being her friends

68. her friends enjoy the fact that they are ruining her

69. deep down enjoys being ruined

70. has been described as the most random person people know, and also the most predictable person people know. is not sure what to make of this

71. will stretch the truth any day to make a story interesting. so long as it�s obvious that one is exaggerating, it�s okay

72. loves things that give her the chills

73. over-analyzes everything

74. has no idea what she wants to be when she grows up

75. will probably just never grow up

76. plays the stupid and/or oblivious card far more than necessary

77. but loves being able to play the crazy card, and does so freely

78. is most completely summed up by the word �quirky�

79. counted once and realized she has visited somewhere around thirty eight states

80. is extremely liberal and laid-back; sometimes to the point of fault

81. never gets enough sleep

82. is the worst pack rat she knows; once kept a drinking straw in her closet for three years because it was green

83. is not very good at expressing emotions other than happiness and annoyance

84. holds sense of humor as the most important quality in a person and believes one cannot survive in this world without a healthy one

85. loves referring to �a person� as �one�

86. is not a fan of densely crowded areas; is prone to hyperventilation in such situations

87. has always been the weirdo and loves that job description like her own son

88. has no patience for video games

89. has always loved to read

90. hasn�t eaten a single restaurant fry since the seventh grade

91. taught herself to read and walk at the same time in the first grade

92. extremely protective of her younger brother

93. hates stupid people, but thinks they�re hilarious for the most part

94. finds many not-funny things hilarious; laughs often at inopportune times

95. thinks it�s SO cool that some people have grown up together

96. has always wondered what it would have been like to have lived in one place all her life but does not regret ever moving

97. gets the �wanderlust� if she lives in one place for too long

98. can sit still, but doesn�t

99. loves candles and incense

100. is a bit of a pyromaniac

101. can�t hold a grudge for more than five minutes but never forgets when people screw her over�and yes that�s possible

102. exaggerates EVERYTHING and has a tendency to blow things out of proportion

103. ghandi and martin luther king, jr. are her heroes, along with eleanor roosevelt, susan b. anthony, harriet tubman, and the woman who founded hull house. among others.

104. thinks moby is a genius, and hilarious to boot

105. procrastinates like there is no tomorrow

106. hates that women in comedy have to be three times as funny as their male counterparts to get anywhere in the business

107. considers herself a patriot

108. thinks arrogance is not all that bad a character trait

109. loves to argue and hates it when people agree just to end the argument

110. has a trust problem

111. is horribly embarrassed of the human race sometimes

112. is extraordinarily proud other times

113. believes in God but is not sure about anything past that

114. is a bit of a control freak

115. hears she types and drives very fast; is prone to agree

116. lives on the internet when she is not at school, which is not often

117. loves einstein; thinks he was hilarious

118. has yet to hear a genre of music that she dislikes completely

119. falls for the �you�ve got something on your shirt� joke every frickin time

120. says frickin and biznatch a whole heck of a lot

121. plays with words, facials, and accents constantly

122. aspires to be: catwoman, sally from nightmare before christmas, brittany of the chipettes� but mostly catwoman

123. is the most absentminded person to ever venture out of the house but has an uncanny photographic memory of her early childhood

124. loves being a child of the eighties/early nineties

125. was a completely different person in middle school than at any other point in her life. is not sure why that is.

126. apparently uses sarcasm so subtle no one ever knows when she is serious

127. is considering becoming a linguist� if only she can figure out what exactly it is that linguists do�

128. fears change, but craves it like there�s no tomorrow

129. often starts projecting in public places without realizing it

130. thrives on chaos. good chaos.

131. enjoys making lists

132. is deeply proud of her southern roots

133. loves san fransisco (and atlanta but mostly because she grew up around it)

134. swears she was tall in elementary school

135. thinks sarcasm is the best invention since sliced turkey

136. can count the number of crushes in her entire life on her fingers and still have room for frostbite

137. has a paralyzing fear of ice on the roads

138. needed the list to end on an even number

The current mood of bratnatch at
FIN. 10:53 p.m., Thursday, Mar. 13, 2003

ink :: graphite

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A work in Aberration.