So I showed them the Look, Homeward tape. The show that altered the course of my life. Of most of our lives. God, it's hard to watch.

Even now. Even two full years later, a world and a half, with so many personality-shaping experiences since. I almost had to get up and leave toward the end.

After so long, it still hits me like a carving knife taken to my soul, emptying me like so many pumpkins in the cool, crisp fall.

I want to do this. I want to do this so bad it hurts.

I want to run out and buy every play and monologue book I can find and audition until I'm hoarse and then I'll sit down at my computer and bang out the Great American Something and I won't be rich or famous or even very comfortable but I'll be happy and this yearning at the pit of my stomach will be satiated just enough to keep me going on into the night.
I need this, and I keep forgetting. Or forcing myself to forget.

I need this to be whole.

ink :: graphite